a definitive ranking of the best and worst band names in history

together we can reminisce on the good and cringe at the bad

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.”

This quote from Romeo and Juliet might be true when discussing flowers, but not so much when talking about band names. While a good name can cement the legacy of a band, a bad one can just as easily sink it. There’s a lot of power in names, and I recently set out to explore all the peaks and valleys that exist within the history of band names.

As a product of this exploration, I’ve compiled two lists. The first is composed of what I view as the ten worst band names ever. The second is the ten best band names ever because it’s always better to end on a positive note, right?

The idea to compile lists of my favorite and least favorite band names came about while I was talking with my friend, Jules. (You should go check out her Substack here, she’s a gem of a human and writer). We started listing band names we either really liked or really hated, and thus this idea was born.

There were a few things I considered while making these lists, namely cleverness, punchiness, originality, and if the name felt like it fit the sound of the band in question. I did not take the origin stories of names into account. If I need to know the lore of your band to understand the name, it’s probably not a very good name. Besides, I can’t allow context and research to cloud my extremely subjective point of view.

I’m sure some of the rankings will inspire strong feelings in people, both positive and negative, so feel free to speak your mind ferociously in the comments. I’d also love to hear some of your favorite and least favorite band names that I didn’t include. I did add a list of honorable and dishonorable mentions at the end, featuring all the bands that weren’t good or bad enough to crack their respective top ten. Enjoy!

As a reminder, these rankings and commentary revolve completely and solely around the band’s name, not their music quality, personal significance, or cultural imprint.

Top 10 Worst Band Names

(descending order with #1 being the worst band name of all time)

10.

Coldplay

The only thing saving Coldplay from being lower on this list is the word “play” being in their name. They at least get points for having some allusion to something enjoyable. That being said, no one should ever put the word “cold” in their band name, ESPECIALLY when paired with the word “play.” Coldplay, as a name, has as much allure and charisma as a dead fish. It would be better suited as a phrase used to describe bad music. Imagine listening to a crappy song and describing it as a cold play. They really missed the opportunity to do something with that one, and instead used it as a bad band name. Tragic.

9.

U2

I’m sure that naming your band U2 was really cool for like five minutes in the 1980s, but it’s not the 1980s anymore, and in 2024, I officially certify U2 as an LBN (lame band name). U2 has always had this weird thing with bringing their audience as close as possible (looking at you, Apple Music fiasco of 2014), and that started with their name. Hate to break it to you Bono, but your U2 propaganda isn’t fooling anyone! It’s not actually us too. It’s you and some other guys selling me a product and forcing it to live on my phone. Can you tell I’m still mad about the Apple thing? I’ll give points for semi-cleverness, but overall U2 is a weak and cheesy name that takes simplicity to a negative extreme.

8.

The Beach Boys

Before I get into this one, I should disclose upfront that I’m a big fan of The Beach Boys. That being said, I can also confidently say that The Beach Boys have a terrible name. It’s corny, overly simplistic, and, worse than either of those, extremely restrictive. The Beach Boys often struggled to present themselves as serious musicians and artists, and I can’t help but blame their name. When you call yourself The Beach Boys, people are going to expect beachy music from you. Attempting to deviate from that sound will only result in disappointment and confusion. I often wonder what The Beach Boys could’ve been if not corraled to their Southern California roots, but their name forever straddled them with that identity.

7.

Portugal. The Man

Okay, this one just pisses me off. Portugal. The Man. Why the random period after Portugal? Even if it was “Portugal The Man” or “Portugal, The Man” it would still be a bad band name. But no, they had to go and somehow make it WORSE by throwing in some nonsensical punctuation. Sometimes musicians try so hard to be different that they catch a nasty case of what I call obnoxious overkill syndrome. That is how I officially diagnose this name. Obnoxious! Overkill! Boo!

6.

Twenty One Pilots

First of all, that’s just too many pilots. And why 21? Why not 20? Why not just 1? Airplane and flight imagery had already long been overused in band names. Then, Twenty One Pilots had to come along and make it even worse! This name doesn’t tell you anything about the music and isn’t punchy or cool enough to make that okay. They really should’ve stayed at the drawing board with this one… What a shame... For them… And for us… (Mostly for us. Even with a terrible band name, they’re ridiculously rich and successful).

5.

Foo Fighters

There are a lot of reasons to dislike the Foo Fighters right now, but I’m only here to talk about names. Speaking of names! Do you know which band has a terrible one? FOO FIGHTERS. I don’t know who Foo is and I don’t know why we’re fighting them. Was the chance for alliteration worth the terrible band name? I sure don’t think it was. There are so many other F things to fight. Frog Fighters. Fear Fighters. Frenzy Fighters. Freak Fighters. But what did they choose? Foo. Add an “L” to the end of that and you’ll get whoever chose this weak-ass band name.

4.

Jimmy Eat World

I can’t tell you how close these last four were. It was neck and neck, all of these shittily-named bands battling it out for the title of Worst Band Name Ever. The name “Jimmy Eat World,” honestly, infuriates me. Everything about it. Who’s Jimmy, why is he eating the world, and why is he using incorrect grammar? Take a minute and imagine they instead decided to use the name “Jimmy Eats the World.” It's still not great, but it doesn’t trigger the pure rage that “Jimmy Eat World” does. Full-body chills in the worst way.

3.

Smash Mouth

Take just five seconds and think about the name “Smash Mouth.” What do you see? What do you feel? Probably something disconcerting and icky. I do think their name is at least reflective of their sound, but was it worth it? I don’t think so. “Smash Mouth” is a terrible name that in no way inspires someone to want to check out their music. Evocative? Yes, but in the worst possible way. Get this name outta here!

2.

Barenaked Ladies

Yuck! This is a truly terrible band name and, like many others on this list, a masterclass on bad word choice and placement. Imagine instead, a band called “Bare Ladies” or “Naked Ladies.” Still pretty bad, but much better. This name might have gotten a laugh out of a few dudes in the ‘90s, but it’s overwhelmingly offputting and one of the worst band names of all time. Functionally, this is also a terrible pick and probably significantly stunted the band’s growth and ability to be taken seriously. Bad for business. Bad for music. Bad for ladies. Bad all around.

And the Worst Band Name Of All Time is

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1.

Imagine Dragons

The battle for the worst band name ever was a tough one, with many terrible contenders, but in the end, “Imagine Dragons” takes the cake as the worst band name of all time. The first thing I detest about this name is its dual interpretation. I don’t know if they’re using imagine as a verb or an adjective here, but either way, I don’t like it. I think anyone using the word “dragons” in a band title is going to have a tough time, but pairing it with the word “imagine?” That feels almost criminal. It’s goofy in a bad way, something I didn’t even think was possible. The only way this name could’ve been saved is if the music matched its energy with a light and fantastical sound. Unfortunately, Imagine Dragons has a brash and aggressive sound that somehow makes a horrible name even worse.

To serve as an intermission, a palette cleanser if you will, between the worst and best lists, I present you this collection of aggressively mediocre band names. These are names that inspire no feelings in me, good or bad. The true neutrals of the band names. They are as follows:

The Rolling Stones

Cage the Elephant

The Smiths

Eagles

Daft Punk

Aerosmith

Fleet Foxes

Matchbox Twenty

America

Greenday

A real snoozefest, am I right?

Now, let’s move on to the best of the best….

Top 10 Best Band Names

(descending order with #1 being the best band name of all time)

10.

Air Supply

This band name rules. I really enjoy a name that alludes to the band being a necessity, a vital part of a person’s continued existence, and Air Supply does exactly that. It’s a nice two-word name that rolls off the tongue. It’s simple but impactful. Presumptive, but grounded. Lofty, but real. All around an effective name that evokes positive feelings and serves as a good representative for the band’s sound.

9.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Oooohhhh, I just love this one. This is one of the band names that I’m surprised wasn’t taken earlier in music history. You could assign a variety of inflections to this name and they would all still rock. Repetition, generally, works very well when naming a band, and the casualness of the word “yeah” conveys a fun, lighthearted energy. Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs is a top-tier band name and rightfully earned its spot on this list.

8.

Nirvana

Nirvana is another band name I can’t believe wasn’t taken already. How we got through decades of psychedelic rock without a band named Nirvana is beyond me, but it was well worth the wait. One-word band names tend to be on the better side of the bunch, but it really depends on what word you choose. Nirvana is a perfect name. Visually, the word is very appealing to the eye, with plenty of sharp lines and angles in every letter. Conceptually, the name is striking and impactful. I also think it’s quite funny to name a grunge rock band Nirvana, seeing as Nirvana’s sound evokes the exact opposite of what the word itself does. It’s so mismatched that it’s clever. Great job, Nirvana!

7.

The Who

I’m a big believer that a funny band name is a good band name, but there is a fine line between funny and stupid (Looking at you, Barenaked Ladies). “The Who” is all funny, no stupid. It also sets the stage for silly conversations when the band is discussed. Picture this: My favorite band is The Who. The who? The Who! The who?!? The Who!!!! Classic.

6.

Talking Heads

There are a lot of great band names, but Talking Heads is one of the very best. It’s not only a solid name on its own but also matches the sound and artistry of the band perfectly. Music is an arena where everyone thinks what they have to say is the most important, most prolific thing of all, and this name is a clever acknowledgment of that phenomonom. Talking Heads rock, and it’s only fitting that their name is just as good as their sound. Everyone say thank you, David Byrne! <3

5.

Wham!

The People may not like this placement, but I stand firmly in the camp that Wham! is one of the best band names of all time. I’m a sucker for a four-letter name, and the exclamation point really brings it home. It’s simple, punchy, and playful, evoking the exact 1980s sound they were contributing to. You can throw tomatoes at me, but I will go down defending George Michael and Wham! for the rest of my life. Wham! forever!!

4.

The Velvet Underground

The first word that comes to my head when I try to describe The Velvet Underground is alluring. It’s a name that really draws you in and beckons you to enter the sonic world the band has created. The contradictory energy of velvet (soft and luxurious) and underground (mysterious and edgy) results in a superb band name. This is a name that is completely unique, not referencing or drawing from anything except itself. It effectively sets the scene for the music and artistry of the band with an excellent, stand-out name.

3.

boygenius

Regardless of who is in the band, boygenius is an excellent name, but the fact that they’re a band fronted by three women makes it even better. I think boygenius is a great and generally underutilized term, so I applaud the band for taking it as their own. It’s ironic and self-aware, with one foot in humor and the other in pure artistry. I also like the stylization of it being one word. It makes it feel more like a concept, a completed idea, instead of a term or phrase. To me, boygenius is the best band name to come out of the 21st century so far.

2.

Tears For Fears

Tears for Fears almost made the very top of the list, but coming in at #2 is still an achievement! Firstly, this name gets points for its nice little rhyme. Having two rhyming words held together by a short conjunction just feels nice on the brain. Secondly, everything about this name just rocks. It’s evocative, dramatic, and clear. I also think it is a near-perfect representation of the band’s music. Despite their recent AI album cover fiasco, nothing can take away the greatness that comes from a name as iconic as Tears for Fears.

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1.

The Cure

Here we are, at the very top of the band name mountain, greeted by The Cure. Like I said when discussing Air Supply, I love a band name that paints the band as a necessity or a groundbreaking addition to the music world, and “The Cure” is the ideal example of that. Honestly, it’s the ideal band name. It’s interesting and evocative, whilst also being simple and easy to remember. It also gives an accurate image of the type of music The Cure makes. Everything about this name is flawless, and Robert Smith should be proud to have, in my humble opinion, the best band name ever.

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Thanks for joining me on this journey through some very terrible and very exceptional band names! Naming a band is hard work but, when done right, it can result in some timeless staying power and iconography. As promised, I will leave you with some band names that almost made the lists, but didn’t quite make it.

Enjoy! (Pt. 2)

Honorable Mentions:

The Doors, Herman’s Hermits, Grateful Dead, The Mamas and The Papas, Wings, Depeche Mode, En Vogue, Devo, Duran Duran, My Bloody Valentine, Hole, The Cranberries, Death Cab For Cutie, The Clash, The Goo Goo Dolls, Mazzy Star, No Doubt, En Vogue, Neutral Milk Hotel, ABBA, My Chemical Romance, *NSYNC, Destiny’s Child, Tennis, Broken Social Scene, LMFAO, Foxygen, Indigo Girls, The Guess Who, Paramore, Radiohead, Outkast, Big Thief, New Jeans, Japanese Breakfast, The Linda Lindas, Muse, Fun., a-ha, Blondie, Joy Division, Queen, The Supremes, Men at Work, Nine Inch Nails, The Band, Ambrosia

Dishonorable Mentions:

The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, Guns N’ Roses, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Arctic Monkeys, Maroon 5, Kings of Leon, Fall Out Boy, Little Big Town, The Fray, Van Halen, The Human League, Def Leppard, Soft Cell, Jefferson Airplane, They Might Be Giants, Bowling For Soup, The Police, Boston, The Byrds, Hootie and the Blowfish, Chicago, Toto, Mötley Crüe, OneRepublic, Steely Dan, 5 Seconds of Summer, Mott the Hoople

<3 Alex